I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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