Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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