also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
