I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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