we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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