i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
So much Jack, so little girl.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
