I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
