the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
