I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
