Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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