he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I could fuck to npr.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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