Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
