White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
