I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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