it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
You dont lie about slip and slides
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
