i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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