...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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