So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
