how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
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