when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
