you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
