Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
