at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
