i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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