My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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