Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Randomize
