i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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