Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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