I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
