i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
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