i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just puked most of my soul out..
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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