New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
