so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
