Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
