i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
