I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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