i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
