dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
