This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
