so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
