She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
