hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
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