I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
it was like eating out sand paper
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
