Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
