Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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