i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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