I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She bit a glass in half.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
