Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I just forgot I was standing up.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
