This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
Randomize
