My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
