I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
