Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
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