Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
