so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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